Korean Monkey Snake

by LeechMaster on October 3, 2012

Researches at Leech Hunter headquarters discovered tales of an animal called the “Korean Monkey Snake.” It is indigenous to Mongolia, however, in the 1940’s it was accidentally introduced to Korea by Mongolian migrant workers that brought the snake in reindeer leather sacks as a food source. On arriving in Korea, the environment, long working hours of their keepers, and their lack of natural competitors caused them to express different genes, and turned them from benevolent, easy to transport meat-sacks full of yummy goodness and Mongolian delicacies into an aggressive  mean spirited, foul smelling, monkey snake. Basically the Korean Monkey Snake was pleasantly surprised with it’s new abilities, while the Mongolian migrants found it disconcerting have their heads suddenly sucked on by an aggressive, stinky, monkey snake.  This unexpected transformation is the etymological beginning of the Mongolian phrase, “You can’t trust a tasty meat sack abroad.”

The Korean Monkey Snake developed a snake like tail, and monkey arms and a monkey head with a snake jaw that is very large for head sucking. It extracts salt from from the scalp of its sucking victims, and lays eggs in the eyeballs of it’s victims. In addition to spontaneous diarrhea because of the electrolyte imbalance caused by the salt loss, sucking victims are blind for one week while the embryos develop behind the eye sockets, and feed on the optic nerve. Massive prune face is also a common side effect in 72% of sucking victims. The Korean government put a bounty on Korean Monkey Snakes, however, PETA put a swift stop with this, though 47% of PETA members on mission developed prune face as a result. The PETA sponsored phrase “Kill a meat sac, not a Monkey Snake” has no etymology as no one ever used it outside of PETA.

Special abilities:

  1. Prune face in sucking victims.
  2. Long tongue if sucking apparatus envelops mouth of victim.
  3. cause of massive diarreah.
  4. causes reverse diarreah after massive diareaah if sucking continues too long.

Food:

  1. Faces.
  2. PETA members and fanatics in general.
  3. Salt.
  4. Bananas.
  5. The residue on the inside of Mongolian manufactured leather sacks.

Lengh: 3 feet long.

Weight: 87 pounds.

Images: 

Korean Monkey Snake larvae, laid behind eyes and ready for an optic nerve meal!

Korean Monkey Snake sucking victim – notice the prune face, lack of sodium, and flamboyant scarf for diarrhea clean up. Victims frequently wear hats to cover whole scalp hickies.

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