The Porto Virus

by LeechMaster on April 1, 2013

This virus has been wafting around Portland and other vegan infested areas for some time. It is transmitted through organic foods. Everyone can contract it, however, only vegans are harmed because their bodies are weakened by a lack of consumption of animal products.  Honey offers limited protection, eggs and dairy offers better protections, but only the regular consumption of meat offers full immunity. It rumored that one 60 once serving of bloody rare grass feed buffalo rib eye steak provides life time immunity to the virus. This virus was genetically created by Monsanto Inc. Monsanto was hired in secret by the meat and dairy industry to engineer a virus that could wipe the planet of the vegan scourge.  Some vegan colonies, once infected, had to resort the cannibalism so that a few could survive. Ironically, the cannibal vegans grew stronger and healthier because their fallen comrades’ flesh was full of vitamins from eating vegetables.

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